I shake.

and I shake and shiver and tremble

and I don’t know why

I’m listening to a lecture

character development on screen

the only thought tumbling through my head is

why my character

can’t seem to catch air in her lungs

or grasp how her voice box works

my muscles grip tendons grip bones

tight like wire

and I feel sore

sore and exhausted

five hours of sleep is a treat

but I’m used to two

I lay on my back

staring at the ceiling counting tiles

my heart is actually going to burst

through my skin

and fall on the floor

Who will wash my sheets?

they told me to practice breathing

to count

to sleep

to exercise

to take pills

to get therapy

but I’m stubborn


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