Anxiety Blogging

During my freshman year of college, I learned that I had social anxiety.  It was something I didn’t really know how to cope with, so I ignored it.  Throughout the next three years, I battled (and continued to ignore treating) that anxiety in many different ways.

As a writer, I love writing about everything about me, the world, who I love, what I love, where I am, Nebraska, and film.  Unfortunately, I have always struggled to write about my anxiety. I don’t have the right words. I don’t know what I want to say about it.

I feel like I want to convey the way my cheeks burn if a teacher calls on me in class, or how I can’t catch my breath if they expect me to speak.  I want to let people know the I sweat and shake and have cold flashes. My nerves take over and I feel trapped inside a body I can no longer control. It’s terrifying.

My words are always stronger written rather than spoken.  My voice quivers, and I hate that that’s a sign of weakness. I hate that I get overwhelmed in large groups. I hate that people tell me I’m too quiet and I’m not social enough. I hate that I used to be extroverted and carefree, and now I’m 21 and stuck in my own shell.

I never write about it, because I don’t want anyone to find it. I don’t want people to know that I am as anxious as I am. Sleeping and eating aren’t priorities, but perfecting my work and writing is. I don’t ask for help, because I don’t want to seem needy. I want to feel in control of something, because too often, I don’t even feel in control of myself.

That’s my anxiety. In broad terms. It’s as much as I can do today.

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6 thoughts on “Anxiety Blogging

  1. I used to struggle with anxiety, and the one thing than remains is that I stutter when I talk. This doesn’t happen all of the time, but when I am super excited about something I will try to get that information out as fast as possible. It is embarrassing, but my friends and family just laugh.

    It is impossible to describe a panic attack to anyone who has never experienced one.
    I tried to tell my wife to think of a moment that scared her so bad that her heart jumped out of her chest, and she felt short of breath. Then I told her to imagine that experience when nothing is happening. Not perfect, but I think she understands more than before.

    Great post. I’m going to check out some of your other work now. Have a great night!

    Like

  2. Thank you for sharing and writing this. I have been struggling with social anxiety as well…and it just started showing up my freshman year. The courses that I tended to love in high school were struggles for me in college for the sole fact that I could not focus on anything but the social situations around me. It got so bad last year that I would leave classes whenever the stomach gurgles, sweats, and dizziness got too bad. It’s comforting to know I’m not dealing with this alone. It helps to recognize that.

    I started going to therapy this year to see what kinds of relaxation techniques I could learn to help me better focus in class. That has really helped me realize whenever an anxiety attack is coming on. I have since been able to bring my mind back to focus on the course when anxiety starts setting in. Maybe that might help? If not, I wouldn’t mind sharing some of the techniques I’ve learned. Let me know if you’re interested. I can email you!

    I’ll be praying for you and your social anxiety. Thanks, again, for being brave enough to share. Your writing style is pretty great too! 🙂

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    1. It’s so good to have support somewhere, especially someone who knows how I’m feeling. That has always been why I was terrified of writing about it, because I was embarrassed.
      I have attempted therapy so many times, and I get scared and I stop going. I meditate and do yoga, as well as some breathing techniques to calm me down.
      Thank you so much for your positivity and kind words. It really means a lot (:

      Liked by 1 person

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