A Year With Hayden

One year ago, I sat nervously in my car outside of a coffee shop in Lincoln. I just got done with a biology lab and now I was moments away from a date. I was anxious. I had no idea what to expect. I considered not following through, but oh my God, I am so glad I did.

Falling in love is scary. Throwing insecurities, secrets, and the inherent negatives about myself towards someone and praying he’ll still keep me is a scary thing. I am very bad at letting my walls down. For Hayden, I would do anything. I would tell him anything. It may have taken me awhile, but once I knew he genuinely adored me as much as I did him, allowing him to be as engulfed in my life as I am was easy.

I have the happiest memories of baking cake pops, exploring art galleries, going to Kansas City, hiking in the Adirondack Mountains, attempting to slow dance, watching everything from silly web series on YouTube to Oscar nominees, drawing, taking pictures, and simple nights where we laid in silence just soaking up our love. I have the best memories of writing for him, and enjoying his writing for me. This past year has truly been the most spectacular, loving adventure I could have asked for, and I am so happy I got to take it with him.

Being loved by Hayden is absolutely divine. He supports me and dreams with me, and not in that hypothetical way that some people do. He genuinely is interested in my success with my goals. I am constantly curious how I got so lucky.

Hayden is my first love. He is my favorite person in my life. He is my best friend. Going to school in New York while he is in Nebraska is rough. There are mornings I would rather be waking up with him rather than alone in a twin bed in a blue dorm room. There are days that I pray he’ll be waiting for me after class to go get lunch together.  I’m always missing him.

He provides me comfort in the hectic, anxiety-ridden world I live. He makes me feel confident, intelligent, beautiful, powerful, capable, and most importantly, loved. He rejoices with me. He learns with me. He is adventurous with me. I could never have imagined the joy that this amazing man has brought me. Loving him for the past year has been incredible. I can’t wait to keep dreaming and living and loving with Hayden for years to come.