Losing Drive

I’m approaching midterms, and I’m already losing steam. My motivation for senior year is declining. After a very stressful week, I’m concerned that my decline in academic efforts will leave me angry and regretful in December.

I’m sure the same thing happened in high school. I’m sure there was a week to a month that I honestly didn’t care about my work, and just did assignments blindly.

Right now, I’m taking classes that I love. I’m starting the foundation for my feature script. I working on celluloid. I’m practicing film theory that I’m interested and I’m learning all about everything that I’ve ever been curious about. I’m so upset that I’m just not even bothered by my lack of efforts.

This week, I skipped two days. Just because. People told me to call them “mental health days,” but that’s not at all what they were. I’ve needed an emotional break, but it’s not that I’m exhausted, it’s that I’m feeling lazy. I literally haven’t felt lazy in over a year. I don’t know what’s going on.

Is this just an annoying case of senioritis? Am I doubting myself because I need to doubt my talent, or because I’m losing passions, or because I’m paranoid. I don’t know.

My anxiety has been depriving me of sleep and focus, so that could also come into play. Regardless, let me know if you struggle with motivation and determination sometimes. I feel like I should be more than energetic to finish  a script, but I avoid work like the plague. I’m just concerned for myself. I’m not acting my character, and its not right.


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