Los Angeles Fears

Hello Readers!

I’ve made it clear in the last eight months that my overall goal is to move to Los Angeles post-grad, and I’m finally doing it!

I have a lot of emotions surrounding all of this. I spent the first twenty years of my life in the Midwest. I love Nebraska. I loved my time in New York, and cannot wait to get to the west coast, but I adore the Midwest and all of the people here. My heart is grounded here. I have every desire of ending up in Chicago, because there’s something about being in the Midwest that makes me feel like I’m with my kind of people, that smile when you pass on the sidewalk, that are kind and ask strangers how they are doing. I feel like I’m being looked after by everyone here, and its so endearing and loving, and I’m never happier than I am when I’m home.

However, I need to leave. I’ve known that going into the film industry, I would have to move to a coast. I want to move to a coast. But I’m still fearful.

My worst fear? Failing.

Is that every graduate’s biggest fear? Probably. There’s something nerve wrecking and daunting about traveling 3000 miles away and failing. I’m terrified of taking my savings account and donations from family members who are investing in my future and turning around in two years because it’s too expensive and I haven’t gotten anywhere. I’m afraid that my college debt was for nothing and I chose a stupid major.

I’m afraid of being on my own for the first time. I know that I went to New York on my own, but I was at school, surrounded by thousands of other kids and professors that were looking out for me. That won’t be the case in L.A. As of right now, I don’t really know anyone there. I’ll be on my own for everything. Paying bills, car trouble, job, stress, loneliness, anxiety, everything. It’s terrifying.

But as terrifying as it is, I have never been excited for something in the way that I’m excited for this. I’m nervous because it’s the first major step of my young adult life, and this will be what leads me to all of my other future endeavors. That’s a little intimidating. But holy shit, I’ll be 22 and living in Los Angeles. I’ll see touch the ocean for the first time in my life, I’ll be able to shop and hike and work in the film industry. I’m following my dreams, and I’ve never been so sure of what I want to do with my life than in this past year. I want to write and be in this creative business. I’m so scared, but I’m so hopeful and eager and ambitious.

Every single day in Los Angeles is a day that would be impossible to have in Lincoln, Nebraska. People have asked me what my backup plans are. People have rolled their eyes when I tell them I studied film and want to work in Hollywood. People tell me the horror stories of their friends and family not lasting six weeks out there.

I’ll last. I’ll thrive. I’ll work hard.

I’m so nervous, but I’m overjoyed.

I am positive I’m confident. I’ll make it. Successfully.

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